Being born and raised in Maine, I know all about how to clean the front of a car during bug season.  Mum often referred to cleaning something as “giving it a spit shine”.   I honestly never gave that term much thought.  (Kinda like “keep your eyes peeled”…..best not to think too deep sometimes.)  I bet most of us remember our Mums coming after us with spit on a tissue to wipe something off that needed removing (probably it was something on our faces, right?)  Everyone say it together:  “Gross!!!”   Yeah, my Mum did that to me.  Hilarious to remember she even did it to my Dad once while I was watching.  At the time I was disgusted, but now I kinda get it.  Recently it dawned on me that we were all getting the original spit shine.

So, back to the bugs on the front of the car – here is what I was taught to do:  Save your old nylons with runs in them because they make a superb scrubber for removing dried up bugs all over the hood and bumper.  Problem is, that actually doesn’t work very well if you didn’t get a good hard rain right after you drove up I-95 at night in June.  Those things anneal to the car quicker than you can say lightning bug.

Fast forward to my moving to Ohio 20 some years ago.  Yep, they have bugs here as well  that seem to love being a kamikaze to the front of cars at night.  We just procured a sweet ride that we can pull our camper with, and it had not a single bug on the front, despite not being new.  Anyway, on our way home from way out west in Ohio last week, we drove through a bug storm that rivaled Maine. You know that sound when the bugs start hitting the windshield.  You understand how difficult it is to figure out when to turn the washer/wipers on.  The smear is pretty disgusting, right? So the pristine car is now christened with bug awful stuff.  Ugh!!

Who knew there was another marvelous version of a spit shine? I was walking by that bug covered car last night, and lamenting that I didn’t wear nylons anymore…….where could I get some cheap?  I decided to spit on a shop towel and see what happened.  CAN YOU GUESS??????  Instant destruction of dried on, adhered to my otherwise shiny bumper, bug guts!  I was jumping up and down, flailing my hands and giggling.  I think I am the first in my long line of Bradford’s to know this!

This of course led to a discussion of how to bottle spit, and market it at the local NAPA store.  Here is what we came up with…………but trust me we just got started and tears of laughter were streaming down our cheeks.  That, of course, led us to wonder if tears could also dissolve bug guts on cars…………but I digress.

Mum’s Spit Shine Bug Guts Remover

 All natural ingredients………biodegradable……….safe for children and pets to consume……………….use full strength, do not dilute.

There are, however, a few manufacturing issues and possible stumbling blocks to address before release:

• How would we figure out the expiration date?
• How do you get a patent for something like this?
• What if the spit came from someone who had the flu?
• Would dog drool work?
• How about baby drool?

Anyone interested in R and D?  We might need some help getting this on the market.

Thoughts people?  This could be big.

This song has nothing to do with spit shine, bug guts or marketing my new product, but it sure does make me Happy.